My Heart {keeping it real}

I've had this post on my heart for some time, but I have not had the courage to do so.  I was encouraged by a fellow Instagramer to share and possibly be a blessing to someone else. I want you to know first and fore most, we are born again Christians, and our Lord was with us every moment of this journey! He leads, guides, shapes us into what He wants us to be.  AND sometimes that means breaking us.

Over 8 years ago our life as we knew it changed.  It changed drastically and it was a difficult thing to deal with. Let me start at the beginning.  My husband and I owned a home here in North Carolina, but my parents had moved to east Tennessee. My dad was an over the road truck driver which left my momma alone 5 days a week.  We had begun to pray about being close to them, you know for the "just in case things".  The Lord began to open doors for us to move after a year of praying.  We found our dream home, and a family to lease to purchase our home in North Carolina.  This family had signed a contract to purchase our home outright within 2 years.  During this time we enjoyed our new home and running our farm.  Yes we had a farm, dairy goats, chickens, farm dog and cats, even a sheep or two. We were living a wonderful life!  

Then one evening my parents were at our home having dinner.  My momma wasn't feeling well and didn't eat all her mashed potatoes {and that means something cuz she loves her taters}. I asked her what was up and she said she just wasn't feeling good.  On their way home she felt her left arm go numb and her chest hurt.  They immediately went to the hospital and she was admitted.  They thought she was having a heart attack, but was all cleared within a day.  So began the long battle of trying to figure out what was wrong. She began to lose weight, dropping to nearly 95lbs.  She was in pain a lot and being fatigued. They began to pray about selling their home and moving in with us.  They listed their home and within 1 week had an offer and closed a few weeks later.  We situated them in our home and still tried to determine what was making my momma sick.  Finally after several months of this, a doctor decided to test her gal bladder.  It was indeed her gal bladder and it revealed she was at a 3% usage and they felt she should be knocking on deaths door! We all knew it was the Lord that was taking care of her and protecting her body from all the poison.  Surgery was scheduled and we were praising the Lord. 

During this same time we had found out were expecting our 5th child!  We were so excited and feeling like the world was right again.  Then one day a phone call came, it was the family who lived in our North Carolina home {the same family who was supposed to be buying the home}. They had to move, they couldn't afford to live there anymore. I was crushed, I began to stress.  BUT that was just the beginning!  We drove to the home to see if we needed to tidy up before listing it for rent.  We were SHOCKED when we pulled in the driveway, even more shocked when we walked in the door.  The property was full of trash, junk, things left behind.  The home was wrecked, stains on carpets, walls had holes, toilets looked like they had NEVER been cleaned.  What had happened during the nearly 2 years they lived here?  You might be asking why we never came? This family paid on time, they took care of things as if they owned it.  That was the agreement you see, they were buying the home! We should have come and looked, in hind sight we know this now. But at the time it didn't change the fact of what they had done.  It took us nearly a month of Saturdays to haul of trash, which cost a fortune! And so much cleaning, repairs, paint, replacing fixtures, toilets, sinks.  We were digging a hole we would never get out of.  We sifted through tons of prospective tenants, calling all the references. And we felt we had finally found someone to at least rent the home and take care of it.  The family moved in and paid for the first 2 months.  Then just stopped!  I mean completely stopped paying anything!  We called, we drove there. NOTHING! They said we don't have to pay, we have a family and the law is on our side.  We'll unfortunately they were right.  We had the police come out, they couldn't even go in the home.  Said it was due to them having children. So they basically they lived in our home for 6+ months rent free.  Let me say, this was the worst thing to happen.  We had already had major issues financially trying to clean up from the other family.  We were beginning to get way behind on all our bills. We couldn't keep up with 2 mortgages, and all our normal bills, plus our farm.  We didn't know what to do, we had already pulled from our retirement to save the home, and still we were fighting to get these people out.  All the while I am pregnant with our precious little baby girl.  She was due in August and in the middle of July, the family finally left! Again praising the Lord.  We weren't surprised when we walked in and found it nearly as bad as before.  Like I said we were behind on all our bills, we had a Astro van and had made a payment on Friday while heading out of town to finish work on the home.  The next week, early one morning my momma heard a big truck in our driveway.  When I looked out I saw a rollback loading our van.  I couldn't believe it, we had just handed them a payment.  The man was so considerate and allowed us to get all our belongings out of the van before towing it.  He even waited as I begged the bank to let us keep the van, my precious momma even tried to help.  They refused, wanted the loan paid in full.  I called my hubby crying, and telling him what was going on.  He said let it go, they can have it.  He assured me that the Lord knew all this and it would be ok.  I went to my room, got out my bible and began to just let the Lord work in my heart.  I laid on the bed and just cried and prayed.  My precious little one inside me moving about, feeling the stress of all this that had transpired over the past several months.  I gave it all to the Lord!  He knew my heart was breaking. 

I awoke the next morning with such a peace.  I started watching the Lord work in our lives like never before. My husband had a small amount he could borrow against his 401K left, we had already used everything else to try and save the home in North Carolina.   We borrowed that money, and set it aside and asked the Lord to lead us to a vehicle.  He did just that! The following week, he led us to a used mini van, and we were thrilled! It was perfect for our family. One month later our baby girl was born.  She was tiny, but perfect!  But that home was still hanging over our head. My husband called an attorney we set up a meeting.  Brought all financial information and then told him our story.  Under his counsel we filed for bankruptcy. It crushed me at the thought of losing it ALL! When I saw everything, it was everything. We were able to keep our van because it was paid for in cash, and my husband had a little pickup that we could keep.  Everything else was gone!  In the next several months we did lots of paper work, found a home to rent and had to grasp what our new life would be like.  In the mean time my parents moved back to their home in North Carolina, as we no longer had our home.  So the day came, and we had to walk before a judge with our heads held down and say yes this has happened and we are sad about it.  They granted this to us, and we walked away with a clean slate{so to speak, this is on our credit still}.  

So for the past 6+ years we have lived in someone else's home.  We have taken care of them like they were ours.  We believe whole heartily that you should leave something better than you found it.  We have loved our homes, but all the while we have longed for our own home one day.  We have lived a frugal life.  We have paid cash for everything, including a 15 passenger van when we found out we were expecting twins!  The Lord has blessed us so much by keeping ourselves out of debt! We are so thankful for all he's done.  I would love for y'all to read about our twins and just what he's done in our lives{beginning in December 2008}.  We began to speak to the bank about when we could think about owning our own home again. {Oh and by the way, we moved home to North Carolina} They said we have to get credit again. {insert upset face} so we have purchased a vehicle and got a small credit card.  This has helped our credit to the point where we are now in the process of buying a home! {I still hate we had to get credit to do so} We are excited and thrilled.  Our dream home is out of our budget {yes we are still very frugal and live on a budget} we have NO DESIRE to be in that awful place again.  We are buying a brand new doublewide and putting it on nearly 2 acres. So is it my dream farmhouse, no but more importantly it's my dream!  We are going to own our own home again.  I am thrilled with the home we have picked out. It fits all our needs and wants!  We are nearing the middle of the process and are just a few weeks away from actually ordering the home.  Please help us to pray that it will all go smoothly.  I can't describe how much the Lord has done thru the past 6 years preparing us, leading us, and shaping us to get to this point.  Do I wish we had never gone thru this? Absolutely, but we would have never learned what we have learned if we had not.  Do I think it pleased our Lord? No I don't, but I think the Lord allows things {good & bad} to happen in our lives to help mold us into what he wants us to be.  

What I hope to accomplish from this post?  I pray that someone out there that is hurting and wondering will they ever see light at the end? Yes, it't there and will be within reach.  I have never been good with words.  I always feel like I fumble with them.  But what I want more than anything is for someone to see Jesus in me! Without Him, I am NOTHING!  

I ask you to consider praying for our family.  Pray for me specifically.  I worry, I know the Lord is able and has moved mountains in my life.  I still fret about the small things.  In this process, there are so many little fees, permits, and whatnot that I worry what we've saved and have won't be enough. My sweet dear hubby, has worked and worked and I couldn't be more blessed to have him in my life. This man of mine has a few "manly" things and needs a building to put them in.  I am selling things in my Etsy shop and on my Instagram and sometimes take special orders.  If I have something you like, would you consider purchasing them.  It would go straight into our house fund!  This fund, is for anything concerning moving into our new home.  I have 7 children {1 married} so we have 6 living at home.  They are beyond excited! A few of our girls have instagram, and sell their wares on there as well.  They have things they want to put in their new rooms, if you see something there would  you consider purchasing something to help them as well.  

Thank you for stopping by, I know I am not always a great blogger.  But I love this place, it's been a place to share our family with others.